After 3 months of counseling I have realised so much about the ways in which my childhood has taught me to fear and hide. What was once thought to be a strength, a ‘get it done’ attitude and independence was actually harboring a nature of self protection for a little girl who never knew what it meant to be loved, to trust and to feel security from the places that she should of learnt this first, from the nurture of mother. This little girl learnt fast there was no comfort or hope of comfort to be offered and she had to learn to survive the world on her own, get up on her own feet and if she didn’t it would swallow her up.

And it is to the tune of this empty void and brokenness I have been navigating all my relationships around.

Its surprising how our upbringing shapes us. Its amazing what we subconsciously learn as children about who we are or about other people, from those which we first learn to relate to: our parents. The absolute crazy thing was, I wasn’t even looking for this. I just knew something was not quite right within me and I wanted help. I wanted a quick fix, a band aid.. I just wanted God to quickly take the emptiness away and I got so much more than I bargained for.

As I peeled back the layers of me that was wounded God stepped right in. He began to show me that His hand was always working in my childhood, in my life and even this very moment. I knew God brought me back to Hong Kong because He wanted me to reconcile to family and with who I am. I’ve always had this strange sense that coming back to Hong Kong felt like walking into the mouth of the lion, I wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but I never thought God would bring me back to the very beginning. To the very start of where the wound began. For healing to happen, it had to start here: in the mouth of the lion.

But God has been faithful. Hes been walking out every step with me, Hes been showing me His love through people and through encounters with Him. He has moved me with His Word. I am moved by His care and love for me. I am moved that He is there on my pain.

I feel like a rehabilitation patient. Like I have just had major surgery I feel raw and weak, but everyday I am learning to walk again. I am learning to use and build muscles that have never moved before. I am learning new skills and coping in new ways. I am learning to be a more whole person.

And Gods love for me feels more real than ever before. I’m beginning to sense the intensity, the fierce passion and abundance of it. In a moment of pure truth my eyes are now opened to see and feel something deeper and something more authentic than what I have ever experienced. And it moves me to tears that He cares.

I’m realising more how Gods love really is the thing that, if we let it go deep into our core, it will change us.

I love this quote from C.S. Lewis’ ‘The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe’ where Lucy faces the nervous prospect of meeting Aslan for the first time.

“Is He… quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.”

“That you will, dearie, and no mistake,” said Mrs Beaver; “if there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they’re either braver than most, or else just silly.”

“Then He isn’t safe,” said Lucy.

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “ Who said anything about safe? ‘Course He isn’t safe. But He’s good. He’s the King.”

I am on a Week Without Walls trip this year with 16 high school students at Home Of Loving Faithfulness. It is a home for the severely mentally and physically handicapped, its a place where familys who can no longer look after them can make sure they get the care and attention they need. It is indeed an amazing place.

I remember the first time I came to Home Of Loving Faithfulness about a year and a half ago and how awkward I felt. Not really sure on what I would be able to do, they seemed to severely disabled and I was not sure how to interact with them. Like I felt like I wanted to care, but I just didn’t know how.

It’s also in places like this sometimes I can find it hard to understand why things like this happen to people. Sometimes these places open more questions for me in terms of faith than answers. But over the years I think I have come to a place where I am more at peace with the mystery of God, that somehow all of this all fits into a bigger story that is beyond my comprehension. And what God is doing in this world and in our lives, the good and the bad is ultimately working for a greater good that I can not understand or see.

That the residents, are here for a purpose and that God loves them so incredibly much, that God sees their value and uniqueness. That they deserve and need to be loved as much as you and I.

See, we are created for love. Your soul craves love and will find satisfaction in nothing less. God was the one who created us for love, to experience his love. In the same way the residents were created for love too.

I know a  friend who worked at Mothers Choice in the mid levels. It’s an orphanage that adopts out babies and helps unwed mothers. She told me that in an orphanage babies who don’t get held much and affection tend to be more sickly. She said the physical touch and care makes a huge difference in that babies overall well being. That this is what makes them feel loved.

And I thought how true it is for the residents here. They are like those small babies too, unable to speak or move, given up by their families and in need of care. They may not be able to say it or express it but to be loved is something that they need and what makes us all intrinsically human.

In Matthew 25:34-40 it says:

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world.  For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home.  I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

“Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’

When we treat each other with value, when we care for each other, when we love, we experience the presence of God and we bring the presence of God into that place.

In a place like this we may not know exactly what we can do to help, we want to be able to do what we can.  When we are with them we want to show them that they are loved, valuable and that they are not forgotten. When we are with the residents to sing to them, engage with them, touch them and talk to them.

I want to engage with them in way that I look them in the eye as if they were the only person in the room and that they really matter. They deserve to be loved and cared for, and that to love is always the right thing to do no matter what the circumstances.

1 Corinthians 13:13 – And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.