Category: Relationships

Mar 14

Stories.

Bisa came into my room today, held my hand and told me how proud she is of me and to never forget it. That meant alot to me, I needed to hear that.

She said that for someone like me, who’s had no support, all alone without family in a strange country, who’s manage to put myself through uni, establish a career and continued to grow spiritually is a real inspiration and achievement. I guess never really thought what I had accomplished on my own growing up was that much of a big deal till I looked at some of my year 12′s. So young and awkward, I realised that was how old I was and what I was like when I left home. Now in hindsight it seems so young, but when I was 16 -17 I thought I knew everything. I learnt to be self dependant young.

Bisa made me think back to this, and I suppose I hadn’t really thought about my past in a long while. I guess I never really saw the point – I have moved on, I’m a different person and I can’t change it. I often still struggle to find an ‘appropriate’ answer for strangers when they ask me why I am in Perth without opening a Pandora’s box full of questions. But also in saying that, I have been too excited about the future to look anywhere else but forward!

Actually Jazmin made an interesting point during my singing lesson; she said that in singing all you can do is look forward. If you make a mistake when you sing (i.e. singing the wrong note, running out of air etc.) you can’t let it affect you. You just have to move on and sing the rest of the song well, because often when singing if we make a mistake in one part it can affect the rest of our singing. In our heads we are still thinking about what we did wrong and we are not focused on the notes we have to produce next. It affects everything.

I suppose when I think about my life thus far its been a crazy whirlwind of a journey. Looking back I can see God’s hand in all of it. The God destined connections, the relationships, my own growth and confidence in Him. The amazing thing is that I can still see Him orchestrating and moving in my life – even right now.

But in this very moment, I’m going through transition.

I’m returning to Hong Kong. I am returning (and I tentatively say this) ‘home‘.

Its weird. I can’t even articulate how I am feeling about going back. It feels like… a consolidation, a returning, a full circle, a reconciliation… It feels like stepping into a familiarity that isn’t familiar. Or a situation that should be familiar but in actuality, isn’t.

Its scary. Its drastic. I have to give up the job I love. I have to sell everything I own. Leave an awesome life changing church where I have already established myself in. I have to say goodbye to everyone and everything I know and love. I basically have to say goodbye to my beautiful life as I’ve know it for the past 8 years.

And… what I have signed myself up for is the unknown.

I have made an active decision to leave familiarity to a place where I have to start from scratch and re-establish myself again. To forge a way in a new job, make with new friends, in a new church, in a new city with a totally different pace of life and customs because I feel that God has put in my heart that relationship with family is in someway important to Him.

He’s been showing me I may be missing out something that is a part of me and I don’t even know it… but I have a feeling He wants to show me. He has opened this door and He has chosen to make a way for me. I am leaving because I feel that this is the right thing to do.

Of all the places I have lived – New Zealand, Hong Kong, New Zealand, Australia… and now once again, Hong Kong. Its a new chapter being written by Him in my Story.

0
comments

Feb 14

I love…

I didn’t even realise it was valentines day today till Jane put a candy heart on my desk. It made me laugh because shes had picked a candy that had the words ‘Email me’.

dsc01060.JPG

dsc01061.JPG

It was a good night tonight. I went over to Lori’s place (a totally cool run down 70′s grunge type of house with a million dollar view over Lake Monger – Its complete with the fish tank in a TV) and hung out with her and her house mate Ryan. She cooked us a delicious meal and we sat and chatted the night away. I’m going to miss that chicken when she goes back to Canada in a couple weeks :(

Anyways in tribute to Valentines Day I thought, (the day being about love and all) to post a few of the things I love (in no particular order):

  • I love Leederville and Mount Lawley – its so leafy with is trees and Victorian period style houses. Theres always this cool laid back bohemian yet clean and funky vibe about it. I love going there on the weekends for coffee.
  • I love my friends (you know who you are) – such a pillar of support, love and care to me. I love how we laugh about such random things or have these really intense conversations about life, love and God. I love how I know I will hear the truth from you, no matter what.
  • I love my church – My spiritual place of spiritual awakening, fantastic teaching, love, family, and Godly leadership. If it wasn’t for what was challenged, encouraged and sown into me at Sunset from my leaders, my pastor, serving and the friendships I have grown there, I highly doubt I would be who I am today, doing what I do.
  • I love ballet – I love the grace and beauty of movement, the discipline and focus it involves to perfect. I feel alive when I am dancing.
  • I love driving my car – I feel so free. I can go anywhere I want!
  • I love The Moon Cafe – My favourite-est place in Perth to hang out and eat. Such a funky vibe. Thursday nights are live jazz nights. Oh, and the vegetarian pizzas are pretty fantastic.
  • I love my job – I have to admit, I have a pretty awesome job. I love teaching media studies and I really like hanging out with the kids. They make me laugh all the time. Sometimes I can’t even believe I get paid to do this!
  • I love Hong Kong – Such an unique place, it has this kind of east meets west type culture. Always something to do, something to see, fantastic eating and shopping! Plus my family, whom I dearly miss are there…

Okay, I better stop there or my ‘few things’ is going to turn into a huge long list!

Happy Valentines day!

xo

0
comments

Feb 10

Friendliness and lobotomys

I just had a brainwave today.

So today I was having lunch with Ann in the city and we were just talking about different personalities and how some personalities respond to or perceive things in a different way. It really made me think about myself and how I may be perceived.

Pastor Gerad has said in the past has said that if one wants friends then one must show themselves to be friendly. I think I have come along way from my past from my self proclaimed introvertism. (Haha, I just read this post again and it made me laugh. Wow, 4 years ago…) God has definately changed me alot since those days. I proberly wouldn’t call myself an introvert anymore (or at least I’ve moved away from the introvertism side of the scale a little more) and I think it has alot with me growing in God Confidence, feeling more secure in myself and who He has created me to be. I feel alot more comfortable being in my own skin. I also realised that me being the shy, quiet girl I used to be wasn’t going to help anyone get to know the saving grace of Jesus.

I think I have become alot more friendlier than I used to be. I also have alot more friends than those early days. So what Pastor Gerad said worked. When I started to get God confidence on the inside and started to be friendlier to people I started to actually make friends. I actually started to grow to like being around people. No longer did I want to work in front of a computer in a cubical so I didn’t have to deal with people, I actually started to enjoy human interaction. God is so good how He can totally change a persons life. Sometimes I reflect back on my own journey and am totally amazed by God’s outworking in my own life. Everything I am and have now is because of Him.

Anyways as I was saying earlier, I had this total brainwave. I’ve been reading 1 Corinthians and in 9:22 and it says in reference to sharing about God:

To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.

So I’m like thinking, maybe I overwhelm people by my friendliness sometimes. And for some more quieter types people it doesn’t really help them to relate to me if I am too enthusiastic. They just don’t know how to respond. My (also self proclaimed) ‘introvert’ friend Dave, said to me that if he didn’t know me or know what I am like; and had just met me he would, and I put this in his words: “…kind of back off, not because you are scary but because I am not good with girls to begin with and i think it will feel like a lot of pressure or burden for me to have think how to deal with this type of person…” Gosh I love his honesty!

Paul says in that scripture that to the weak he became the weak. So my thought is, maybe I need to modify my enthusiasm a bit depending on the person. To the quiet person I need to be a quieter person.

I’m not talking about a lobotomy here, I’m just talking in terms of relating to people. Conversations. Actions. Still being the same person but seeing the situation, being flexible and working with it. Every weekend I’m meeting new people, trying to connect people to the life of whats happening at church, it makes sense to be flexible in that way.

Everyone is different. We all perceive things differently. And sometimes friendliness can be perceived to someone who isn’t used to it, as the other person wanting something back in return. Have you ever heard someone say “Oh you look great today!” and the other person looks at them and responds “Okay, what do you want??” As if being nice to someone costs something and a favor is expected in return.

We are not friendly to visitors who come to church because we want to sell them God as if He is a product to be sold, we are friendly because they are people and they have value. We are courteous and friendly because we really care about them. We see a bigger picture. We learn to see people through Gods eyes and they are priceless to Him.

I received an email from my friend Esther during the week and in it she addressed me as the ‘smiley-face exclaimation girl’ When I read it, it made me laugh out loud because I guess in that moment I realised it was true. In my emails (or for those of you who know me, the long email/essays, hehe) and text messages (usually long as well..) to people, I tend to have alot of exclamation marks and smiley faces… I just didn’t think it was that obvious.. or that I was that consistant about it that people were actually noticing that I do that!

I guess thats why some people will sometimes text me back with the question: Are you having a really good day today??!

Lol.

0
comments

Jan 29

On figs, relationships and living simply

See these?

dsc01048.JPG

These are figs freshly picked from our tree.

In Matthew 21:18-22 it tells the story about how Jesus came across a fig tree and wanted to eat of the fruit. Walking up to it and seeing that it bore no figs, Jesus cursed it. The disciples were amazed at how the fig tree withered and died, so they asked Jesus how he did it. Jesus tells them that if they have faith and do not doubt they will too receive whatever they ask for in prayer.

I’ve never eaten a fig before. This morning Bisa picked from figs from the tree in the back garden and offered me some. They are actually really tasty despite looking like weird onions. What is pretty cool though I though was how Jesus liked to eat figs too and He has walked up to a tree like the one in our back garden and cursed it because it had no figs. It kinda made the parable in the story a little bit more real for me because I could imagine Jesus walking around eating a fig like the one I was holding in my hand. Maybe He really liked to eat them and thats why he ended up cursing the tree when he saw there was none on its branches. I don’t blame Him, they taste pretty good.

So tonight Natalie and I went for a walk along the beach. Just chatting and walking, it was really nice, I’m loving these long summer nights. The sun doesn’t set till 9pm and the days feel so long, like you can do so much and stay up so much later. Actually daylight savings is quite deceiving! Its seems like a constant struggle for me to try and get to bed before 12am!

What I am really loving right now is relationships. I love all the relationships I have, the dynamics, the differences, the stories and random bursts of laughter. Oh gosh, how I love the laughter! Theres no other better feeling than the connectedness you feel when you can laugh with someone. And I don’t mean like, “yeah haha, thats funny.” I mean gut wrenching uncontrollable laughter, where I am laughing so hard my tummy hurts. I love Esther, she makes me laugh. We’ve had some random funny moments in the car which were kinda borderline dangerous… hehe.

I guess what I am appreciating right now too is the diversity in relationships. I love how God has created us all so different. Different ways of thinking, talking, habits and doing things. I love spending time with someone and hanging out getting to know them one on one.

Who are you?

What makes you tick?

Why do you think that?

I’m fascinated to know how God has fashioned and created them. I guess thats why I like people. Each person is like some untold story, uncharted territory with amazing testimony. I was having lunch with a girlfriend on Sunday after church, just chatting and what not. We were talking about family and what family actually means and she told me a bit about her family and how her family pretty much came to Australia as refugees and with no skills or trade worked (very hard) to build a new life for their family in this country. They had a little boy and a baby (my friends big brothers) at the time. Imagine that. To have to build your life from scratch with not even two cents to rub together and just the clothing on your back. I thought it was a pretty amazing family history and you wouldn’t even guess that looking at this woman. Shes beautiful, educated and articulate.

I guess I sometimes get the same response from people when they find out about my history. Where I am from, why I am in Perth, why I haven’t seen my family in years… even telling someone I am chinese its like “no way!! I thought you were maori or something!” Haha. I guess when we look at the exterior of a person what you see is who they are now. I know if you had met me 5-6 years ago you would of met a totally different Anna, and proberly alot less nice one if it wasn’t for the saving power of Jesus who has brought me through the refining process as I am continuing to walk out my faith journey.

Anyways, I was talking to my friend Dave last night on the phone. I was telling him how I felt I needed to downsize everything. Like as I was unpacking the boxes in my room when I got back from Hong Kong I realised how much stuff I really had. Plus all the stuff I brought back from Hong Kong, it was starting to feel really quite ridiculous. 25 pairs of shoes? 6 watches? Over 50 pieces of jewelry? Not to mention clothes! When would I realistically have time to wear all this stuff…?

When I was packing up my house in Karrinyup I found I had about 10 (cockroach infested – gross, I know.) boxes of stuff that I had accumulated over the past 7 years I’ve lived in Perth. Letters, uni note books and assignments, random bits of paper, stuffed toys, journals and photos. Ruth really encouraged me to throw out alot of the stuff I didn’t need, its just not practical for someone in my situation to have so much stuff to move from house to house. I feel a bit like a gypsy sometimes, setting up camp in house to house, but its true; I really can’t have that much stuff. So the morning of the move I went through the boxes and pretty much if it was something I didn’t really NEED now, I chucked. It was hard to do, so many memories, the story of my life but I had to realise that they were also a symbol of my past, they represented a point in time. Where I got it, how I got it or who gave it to me… and I had to let some of those things go.

My stuffed toy Mr Rabbit had to go, I brought him when I was 14 for guy I liked but never ended up giving it to him. I remember the details around buying that stuffed toy, even going into Marks and Spencers to get it. Thats huge for a 14 year old, I never had brought anything for someone I thought I cared about so that was a first time. So Mr Rabbit made the trip to the bin. Throwing away all those things though hard, was strangely releasing. It was like I was saying to God that I was releasing all those things and memories in my past that were a part of me or a part of who I thought I was, saying I wanted the future He has for me more. It was also saying that I trust Him that He would create new and better memories for me.

Only thing I ended up keeping from those boxes were my photos and my journals. I narrowed those 10 boxes into 1 small box of memories.

Anyways so Dave was telling me about his older brother Micheal who lives in the states and how he lives a really simple life. About how he lives without a television because he feels its mind numbing and isn’t adding much to his life. Pretty much his life is basically God, his church, his friends and his guitar. He just keeps his life simple to the core things he values. As he was telling me this I could imagine his brother (I know what he looks like because I used to also go to school with the guy) sitting on a porch somewhere guitar in hand surrounded by all his friends singing worship songs. And that would be his chazone, his sweet spot. All the things he loves in one place.

It got me thinking.

To live life alot simpler sounds like a nice idea. To be living in my core values without all these peripheral things sounded appealing and refreshing. So I thought about it and basically narrowed it down to 2 things: God and people. The next day I went through my wardrobe again and took out more clothes and half of my collection of shoes (now I am down to 14 pairs – its a hard decision ok!). I also took out my queen size duvet and sheets and I planned to give away my queen size bed. I didn’t really need to sleep in a bed that big, I would only take up about a quarter of it anyways. So it all got donated to the Good Sammys.

I just want to live a whole lot simpler.

dsc01047.JPG

Schools back next week so I’ve been getting back into the planning. My year 11′s and 12′s are studying music videos and documentary film – should be a really fun year :)

0
comments

Jan 24

I like swinging chairs

I was sitting outside tonight on the swinging chair chatting to Bisa. The sea breeze was coming in and the stars were bright. Such a beautiful night.

Though I have a tonne of work to do right now with school, its moments like that where I can sit and connect with a person, that I feel, really matter.

Work can wait.

0
comments

Jan 01

Happy New Year.

I can’t believe it is already 2008. Yet somehow in the lead up to this New Year I’ve been feeling quite flat. Maybe it’s a combination of this cold I have and the medication that’s making me feel quite apathetic. I don’t know. I wish I could feel more certain and excited about this year, but yeah… nothing.

This New Years eve was quite chilled. Feeling quite sick and weak I didn’t really want to do the clubbing option and it being cold over here in Hong Kong, I didn’t really want to be outside (it proberly wouldn’t of helped with my cold either) or be standing like a tin sardine in a crowd at a public event. Thankfully Ruth and I were able to hang out with some friends at someones house. It was really nice and relaxed. I saw in the New Year in gathered with 20 other people in an apartment with our glasses raised toasting in the new year. I met a lot of new friends, we ate, sang and prayed. It wasn’t till 4:30am that Ruth and I made it back home.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit homesick. I was missing my friends, my church, my cats and sleeping in my own cushy queen sized bed. I think I’m realising what a sentimental sook I am when it comes to the things I am grateful for. I’m so grateful for my life in Perth, and sometimes its not till I am away from the things I love that I begin to see it again with new eyes and renew my appreciation of what God has given me. Theres so much blessing to be thankful for. Maybe its the combination of not having internet access on demand which is making me feel somewhat cut off to whats going on at home. I can’t just pick the phone and call someone, or send someone an email. I think these past 3 weeks is the first time my Mac hasn’t really been used!

But today was the first day of the year and I was feeling really flat. In the morning I just sat on the couch still in my pyjamas and looked out the window from the 18th floor. I wanted quiet. Not busy shopping centre malls or the rambling on TV. I just wanted time to slow down for just a moment, because here it goes by so fast.

When I think about 2007 and what God has taken me through and challenged me with I can honestly say I feel proud of myself. I still can’t believe I made it through my first year of teaching plus doing everything else I needed to do in regards with responsibilities in church and in making time and building relationships. It has been a crazy year and I felt the growing pains.

One of the major things I had learnt this year was boundaries. Boundaries to know where I stop and you begin. Knowing my limitations. Knowing when to say ‘No. Sorry I can’t.’ Knowing when to stop when grace and mercy isn’t enough. Learning some of my own boundaries is what has kept me sane, its helped keep me balanced. Learning to draw boundaries at work has helped me keep my priorities in check. Church is a given – I am there, as well as mid week cell groups and time with friends. I don’t know how many people I know who are so busy they have to set date night to see their friends, but you make time for those things which are important to you. So for me I had to set time aside each week to spend time with those people who are key in my life.

Another thing God had been talking to me about was compromise. How I never have to compromise my beliefs, values or the promises I know God has given me. I guess compromise always comes down to a trust issue, and we all go through ebbs and flows with this, but I’m realising the more I learn to trust God the less I feel I need to settle for the second best that only I can conjure up. Sometimes for me its more that I need reminding of what the original promise is so I don’t deviate from it.

I was at Pacific Coffee with Ruth tonight, checking my email and my Facebook and I saw photos of my church’s 1920’s new years eve party. It looked like a great night. New Years with Sunset Coast is always a fantastic night (usually the hugest dance party of the year!) I looked over at Ruth and sighed “I miss home.” And she smiled at me and said something so true. She goes “Anna, we are always in Perth. We can’t be missing Perth whilst we are on holiday in Hong Kong, if we do that we’ll miss this moment.”

I don’t want to miss this moment. I don’t want to miss where God has placed me now and I don’t want to miss the God connections God has brought across my path. I want to engage in the here and now.

I want to engage in this conversation with you and the essence of who you are.

The thought of this is making me excited for this year. Yay!

0
comments